Is he 'The One'?

How do you know whether he’s “the One”? Frankly speaking, sometimes you don’t. Some couples have an overwhelming feeling of being made for each other while others struggle with doubt and uncertainty about making the right choice. I don’t know if the person you are engaged to is "the One" for you, but I challenge you to pray. Pray sincerely to Allah so that he may bring up any red flags that you might've been overlooking and perhaps give you a glimpse into your future with this person.

I understand that it’s scary to be on your own, to make the sudden change. To break up the connection between 2 family units. But you’ve only got one life, and you have to ask yourself , “Is this what I want for the rest of my life?”, "Does he resemble the father figure I have in mind for my babies?"

When you pray for a glimpse into your future together, you might not like what you see. It may not be horrible, but it might not be what you've dreamt of either. Sometimes you just need to weigh out your options, recognize that no one is perfect, and choose to be with the person you are 'genuinely' interested in. Other times, the right thing to do is to walk away when you don’t feel like you can choose that person every day, for the rest of your life - every waking moment.

More often than not, it so happens that when this person is no longer available, any trace of doubt that you previously had evaporates and your feelings of commitment suddenly becomes crystal clear and all-consuming to you.

Psychologists call this 'Ambivalence' - mired in ambivalence and indecision, just like Hamlet was in his famous “To Be or Not To Be” soliloquy - thus the Hamlet syndrome. What it really means is the co-existence of strong contradictory impulses and emotions such as love and hate, towards the same person. It makes you act indecisively, half-heartedly and non-commital, thereby dampening or sabotaging the connection you claim to value so much.

Ambivalence can totally drain you off of your energy. Nevertheless, remember: He's only a human being who deserves the benefit of the doubt. Follow your intuitions but don't let shaytan fool you.

We don’t always get to choose who we want to fall in love with, but we do get to choose who we want to stay in love with for the rest of our lives. Who we want to grow old with, hand in hand. And that’s the most life-giving decision of all.

May Allah ease our affairs & protect us. Ameen.