Is he 'The One'?

How do you know whether he’s “the One”? Frankly speaking, sometimes you don’t. Some couples have an overwhelming feeling of being made for each other while others struggle with doubt and uncertainty about making the right choice. I don’t know if the person you are engaged to is "the One" for you, but I challenge you to pray. Pray sincerely to Allah so that he may bring up any red flags that you might've been overlooking and perhaps give you a glimpse into your future with this person.

I understand that it’s scary to be on your own, to make the sudden change. To break up the connection between 2 family units. But you’ve only got one life, and you have to ask yourself , “Is this what I want for the rest of my life?”, "Does he resemble the father figure I have in mind for my babies?"

When you pray for a glimpse into your future together, you might not like what you see. It may not be horrible, but it might not be what you've dreamt of either. Sometimes you just need to weigh out your options, recognize that no one is perfect, and choose to be with the person you are 'genuinely' interested in. Other times, the right thing to do is to walk away when you don’t feel like you can choose that person every day, for the rest of your life - every waking moment.

More often than not, it so happens that when this person is no longer available, any trace of doubt that you previously had evaporates and your feelings of commitment suddenly becomes crystal clear and all-consuming to you.

Psychologists call this 'Ambivalence' - mired in ambivalence and indecision, just like Hamlet was in his famous “To Be or Not To Be” soliloquy - thus the Hamlet syndrome. What it really means is the co-existence of strong contradictory impulses and emotions such as love and hate, towards the same person. It makes you act indecisively, half-heartedly and non-commital, thereby dampening or sabotaging the connection you claim to value so much.

Ambivalence can totally drain you off of your energy. Nevertheless, remember: He's only a human being who deserves the benefit of the doubt. Follow your intuitions but don't let shaytan fool you.

We don’t always get to choose who we want to fall in love with, but we do get to choose who we want to stay in love with for the rest of our lives. Who we want to grow old with, hand in hand. And that’s the most life-giving decision of all.

May Allah ease our affairs & protect us. Ameen.

Ayyub Alaihissalaam's Wife

Never did he have 2 pieces of clothing if he ever knew that there were people somewhere in need of clothing. Neither did he ate his fill while he knew that there were people hungry somewhere. He used to make those who receive charity from him feel as though they were doing him a favour by accepting it. Such was Ayyub Alaihissalaam's generosity, but who cared about him when he fell terminally ill? No one, except his beloved wife.

She stood by him through the worst and thus had to go through so much pain herself just because of that.

All her problems were because of him. Had she left him it would've eased her worldly life. She wouldn't have required to work like a slave, begging to be employed so that she may be able to earn a few pennies to feed her fatally ill husband.

But she held on to him and suffered so much. Even sold her hair section by section until she got completely bald, just so that she could feed him - without his knowledge. She loved him so much that she didn't even care about her own beauty.

Her husband lost all his wealth, their beloved children and his health, one after another. His illness was so severe that people isolated him and his wife, fearing that the illness was contagious.

Despite all that, she never left him. Until one day, Shaytaan managed to persuade her and thus she asked Ayyoob Alaihissalaam, 'How long are we going to suffer like this? Why won't you ask Allah for his mercy?'
Upon that, Ayyoob Alaihissalaam got furious and promised that if he ever gets better, he will lash her a 100 times for that.

Imagine working like a slave to provide for a husband who was unable to do anything for her, only to be paid back with such a statement. He didn't even tolerate that *seemingly* mild complaint of her, after all those years of service. Wouldn't she have got depressed?

Her husband got mad at her because she wasn't thankful to Allah. He was ashamed to ask Allah for his mercy because he felt that he hasn't suffered as much as he had previously enjoyed. Thankfully, she was someone who - when she errs, rectifies it and rushes to seek forgiveness from Allah. She was someone who valued the words of her husband & readily understood them. She didn't get into an argument with him. She didn't remind him of her services and sacrifices - that he must be indebted to her. Instead, she just left the house crying when he asked her to leave him alone.
Isn't that how we women must be?

Being strong doesn't mean you need to roar like a lioness every time you feel that you are being wronged. Being strong can also mean to patiently endure and persevere, putting other's needs first. Not everyone are able to let go of their own pain and complaints even for the sake of the people they love.

Let us take heed and reflect, in sha Allah. May Allah have mercy upon her & bless her with eternal Paradise. Ameen.